Why Do I Feel Disconnected From God Sometimes?

Why Do I Feel Disconnected From God?

I remember my daughter coming home from school when she was in third grade describing an experience with a classmate. During chorus practice, somewhere between breathy warm-ups and songs sung off key, a young boy proclaimed,  “God can’t be real. You can’t hear Him. You can’t see Him. You can’t physically feel Him. So, God isn’t real.”

What prompted that boy to make such a claim at that moment is a mystery. As my daughter remembers it, she gently responded, “Like music, not being able to see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” Pretty profound for a 9 year old, right? That precious, childlike belief is something we may lose as life gets harder, and we may feel it is hard to fully connect with our Creator. 

If you are like that little 3rd grader who wants to deny God at times, I understand you. I see you. I hear you. There is nothing deficient or abnormal about you. 

We live in a broken world and we are often flooded with stories of violence, turmoil and the worst of  humanity. Wars ravage. Children suffer. Innocent people die daily. There is no shortage of bad news, even if we do our best to avoid it. Our own personal suffering can rightfully cause us to carry hurts and heartaches that seem impossible to bear. The pain we experience during our time on Earth can feel unfair and can ultimately make it hard for us to experience God's loving energy. This can create distance.

I also work with many people who have experienced religious harm; those who experience being controlled or dominated by humans associated with organized religion who use the Bible or other doctrine as a weapon to instill their controlling and toxic beliefs. These people are fear-based and want power. When we are exposed to humans acting in this way, it can cause us to feel distant from God.

We may not fully connect with God because we do not believe we can be authentically ourselves while also being loved by God. This usually stems from hypocritical words and actions from religious people who have beliefs that do not align to our own authentic self, and ultimately this may cause us to give up on God.  

So what do we do when we feel distant? 

1. To start, it is okay to question whether God is present amidst the chaos around us. In our human condition, we should ask questions, we should be honest about the times we feel distant, and we need to become comfortable with the distance in order to experience God. 

2. There are two big ideas that matter here: God loves you and wants a relationship with you. There is nothing you have done, or have failed to do that would cause God to turn His back on you. Jesus came in human form to model this love and desire for a relationship with you. This love for you and His desire for a relationship with you is free and available to all. It is for you. It is for me. You do not need to conform to a particular set of beliefs, and I would like to give you permission to develop your own relationship with your Creator despite what fear-evoking humans try to impose on you.

3. Prayer is a pathway to reconnect. Prayer can take on many forms. I suggest praying in a way that feels most comfortable to you. Our resource, Calmer Spiritual Practices, is a collection of various ways to pray. 

4. Be Your Authentic Self.  I love my college friends and we do our best to see each other at least once a year. When we get together, we reconnect instantly. The time together strengthens our friendship, and we can be authentic with each other at all times. When I cannot see them due to physical distance, I still know that they love me and they know I love them. Like our closest friends, God is so big that He can be with us everywhere: In a Bar. Your Car. At Work. Even Across from Jerk. He wants you to be as silly and authentic as you are with your friends with Him.. While the human form of God, Jesus, has physically returned to Heaven, He is with you at all times.

5. Keep it real. I take Him to the mall when I fear having to buy a bathing suit, “Jesus, help me be nice to myself today, and show me a bathing suit that will give me confidence.” I take Him to meetings where I am annoyed as hell and need His help so I don’t lose my cool. He travels with me as I tackle boring errands and  comes with me when I fully enjoy the benefits of an all-inclusive resort. He is not distant from you. He is with you,all of you. You do not need to be one dimensional, or follow a particular doctrine to have a relationship with Him. 

The third grader got one thing right, we can’t see God. While we may not physically see Him,  just like music, God, in whatever way you experience Him, is all around us. The static of a radio doesn’t mean a song isn’t there, it means you have to get closer to the signal.

Connecting with God looks different to everyone. You don’t have to connect to God in a

church or in formal prayer to take refuge in Him. You may feel His peace in a gentle whisper or

as a loud crescendo. On a hike, at a concert, or next to you as you fall asleep. Like a lamp that is not fully experienced until it is plugged into an outlet, God’s light is available and ready for you, regardless of where you find Him.

So, if you feel disconnected to God, like a song far from a signal, look for Him even amidst the

chaos. Look for Him in the smallest moments. The beauty of a flower blooming after a long

winter, a breeze breaking through sweltering heat, the steady drip of morning coffee regardless of what the night before brought. God is in it all.